BIOS

Victor "Glasses Damn McMustard Face" Williams was born behind the iron curtain and escaped to Iceland when he was four years old. He was adopted by a mermaid and given the secrets of life by an enchanted toad, which he promptly squashed on a dare from some of his friends. He now attends UCLA, enjoys skyscrapers and geography, and always strives not to be a gigantic douche. His biggest accomplishment is making out with a cyclops goth Latinowow. He's very much anticipating the trip to Jefferson's, and can't wait to meet Jeff Ninnytitcher.
	Alex "The Ferret" Zechiel was raised by wolves in the basement of the Billy Goat Motel until he was eighteen, upon which he emerged to the surface and opened up a chain of gift shops selling cheap trinkets to naïve tourists. He has the distinction of being good friends with John Fogerty, who doesn't like you. He currently attends Orange Coast College, enjoys seething and wallowing to "Tool" late at night, and wishes that Lindsay Weir were a real person. He is looking forward to conquering Jefferson's and is anxious to order "The Magic Johnson."
Eric Zipper, who ceases to exist during the month of May, is fluent in Klingon, Tralfamadorian, and Cantonese. He immigrated to the United States when he was fifteen upon learning that his Region 1 DVD collection would only work in America and Canada. He enjoys comic books, late night Denny's runs, and was married to Kristen before she left him for Alex. He is one of few people who knows what is glass and goes bump in the night. He is already excited about Jefferson's, even though it's months away, and is anxiously awaiting departure.
	John Zechiel was an atypical "test tube baby," conceived by the miracle of science and impatience. He grew up on a farm in rural West Virginia and was appointed to the Supreme Court by President Clinton in 1994. He now attends USC, enjoys watching baseball, and actively contributes to the Flat Earth Society. The jury is still out on whether or not he would snaw Natalie Portman under a set of completely absurd circumstances that are not detailed here. He is looking forward to driving to Jefferson's, and is praying that the car doesn't break down.
Mary Whitelaw is best described as a rebel. In 1964, she joined the Black Power movement and publicly burned American flags to protest what she called "a whole lot of stupid things, know what I'm sayin'?" She recently got accepted to, and is attending UCI. She enjoys movies, long walks on the beach, and is a fan of the musical group "The Who." The question of whether or not a veschlagendugen was discovered in her possession is still up for debate. While she's not a fan of the South, she's looking forward to the trip.
	Amanda Covelli is one of the newest converts to the "Denny's Crew," and has adapted quite remarkably, considering she was originally a puma. She has the interesting distinction of being exactly like Mary in every way. She also starred in the "Beatles in Drivemania." In 2002, she got her first novel published, entitled "Trees: Are They Really All That Good?" and sold four million copies in the first week alone. Amanda never thought she'd have a reason to travel to Alabama, but things change, and we're all looking forward to her accompanying us on this remarkable journey.
Aaron Schmidt, known on the West Coast as "Schmidt," time traveled here from the year 2611. He came to deliver what he described as "a message vital to the survival of humanity," but quickly forgot it after being distracted by a dolphin. He is best known for his popular catch phrases, "That's aMAZing," "I'm listening," and "Xela!" He currently works at Oggi's as a server and is going to be attending Saddleback in the spring. He is highly anticipating the journey and can't wait to meet Jeff Ninnytitcher.